it's all about trust

My Facebook status updating behaviour is a combination of many things. One of them is venting. And sometimes I vent on a certain topic more than once. One of that is TRUST.

For me, and I am sure it is the same for all of you sensible and mature folks out there, trust is like a china glass. It is so precious and fragile that you wanna hold it with so much care and gentleness. Coz you know, once you let it slipped off your hands, it will fall down and crash and it can never be the same again.

That is how all of us should treat trust. Not just be cautious in trusting other people but also be a trustworthy person yourself. Trust is a major thing in building relationships with your life companion, family, friends, and co-workers. Of course you expect more on spouses and immediate family members. When trust is gone, who is going to back you up when you really need the support? Who will believe you?

Throughout our life we can been hurt because of many things. Some of those pain can be forgotten, can be forgiven, can be mend ... and that's what we should do. But the pain that's caused by  violated trust  by someone that is close to us by blood is something that is very hard to be digested by our mind. It is something that would still linger at the back of our minds even though it has passed on for some time.

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I have trusted you coz you are my family. But every time all you did is break it. You gave lots of promises but you never keep it. Don't promise something if you are going to break it later. What more can I do, when you have drained it all, my love, my affections, my hopes for you to become better, my money, my trust? You know what's right but you chose to be weak. You know you've messed up a lot, but you never learn from your mistakes, you never step up to win the big breaks. Instead of making your past mistakes as your drive to success, you chose to whine and wail over them like bad music. Throughout your life, you have been given so many second chances, yet you failed to appreciate any of them, always landing yourself in trouble.

But the most heart-broken thing for me that you are still doing... is you turn your back to Allah... if you ever wonder why everything and everyone seems like failing you, it is because you have failed yourself. All that I have left, is my prayers. You are an adult, no more a child. Your parents have failed you when you are in need of love and guidance, but you have other family members who have helped you and advised you a lot all these times. Why can't you appreciate?

My prayers for you is about everything....be strong and cut the crap once and for all.

Aku Melayu di Kota Inggeris

I like reading travelogues, especially the ones written by a Muslim traveler. I like travelogues because I always like the idea of traveling although I have not done it as much as I want to. I really wish I can travel more in the future, to more distant places and doing much more different things. I always enjoy reading a Muslim traveler's story because I always want to know how to manage oneself by being a Muslim in places where everything is different from my home country, a country where there's no problem in living my life as a Muslim. I like to see the 'other' world from the traveler's perspective and learn how 'the others' react to the traveler. Having my own little share of travel experience when I lived in a foreign country for almost a year several years ago, and though I have collected many wonderful moments and learned a lot of new things there, I wished that I could do more than what I had done in seeking experiences from the aspects of Islam.

 

From my old posts, perhaps you readers have read some travelogues that I had read and reviewed here, like here, here, here and here. Recently, I found this book while waiting to board a plane (most of my travel books I bought while I was on a journey to other place, such a thematic purchase...). Aku Melayu di Kota Inggeris is a book in Malay language written by a Malay scholar, Dr. Muhaimin Sulam, about his experiences while studying in University of Wales Trinity St. David, UK. He divided his story in three parts. In the first part, he shares things about the community around him and the country in the cultural, socioeconomic, historical and political aspects. The second part touches more on the life of Muslims in UK and his experiences and involvement in the Muslim community activities there. The poignant memoir of his late father is evident in the third part, showing how important he is in the author's life. Although there are three parts in this book, I don't feel that there's any distinct differences between them. I feel that there's everything in every chapter and it is full of values.

 

I don't have prior knowledge about Dr. Muhaimin but from this book, I think that it is quite obvious that he is very knowledgeable of the nation's politics and is involved in it at a certain level. However, this author is pretty fair in his comments and presents his discussion in a way that make the readers ponder about it without misconceptions or bad impressions on anybody.

 

All in all, Dr. Muhaimin's travelogue is enjoyable to read. It is always good to learn things that others have learned and to be mindful or aware of the things that happen to ordinary people like us but who lives so far away, and also of the things people take as their values in life.

 

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Miss Simplicity

There are some things in my life that I like to be perfect by my own standards or up to the quality that I wanted. But for most of the other things, I don't mind being simple. I like to be simple for things that need to be simple. Over the years, especially the years of growing up, I might have made some mistakes in choosing what I need. But as I grow older, I learn more.

Being simple in your life has connections with good prioritizing. And after all of the complexities that we have to deal with in our marriage, our work, and the various systems that we are involved in, it's better to cut down the stress level on other things that we can manage to be simple.

The idea of simple can be translated in many ways. For a woman like me who doesn't care much for high-end fashion, it doesn't matter not having tudung Fareeda or Ariani to cover my hair as long as the affordable ones that I wear can cover what it's supposed to be covering. For Hari Raya self-preparation, it doesn't matter to me that I don't buy new clothes, new shoes and new scarves for myself, as long as I can spend my money on something more deserving such as my mom's needs and home supplies. And if I have kids of my own, I would spend it on my kids in a way that I can also teach them the value of money.

Being simple is not the same as being a cheapskate. That's two different things. It is something that I am always teaching and reminding myself. In the financial aspect, if we have limited resources, we have to manage it well so that we won't be landing in great debts. If our resources are abundant, we still have to manage it well so that we can help others more. Sometimes when we have more, we can invest on something good that can last long. Just for example, if we spent it on a pair of shoes, let them be a pair of shoes that we can wear for at least the next Hari Raya. 

Outside of the financial aspect, being simple is just being who you are, being comfortable, being moderate and being able to concentrate your time and mind to other important things in your life. In the end, if your personal taste is in good harmony with the average thickness of your wallet, then it is no problem to lead a simple life.

stepping stones

..... sometimes i think that i am the kind of person who gets bored easily. after doing the same thing for some time, or after being at the same place for some time, i would always wish for something different or something new. i would welcome new changes. i would wish for doing different things, being at different places, meeting different people. i'm not sure whether it's because i am nomadic by nature or .... maybe i haven't found the things that i'm meant to be. maybe i haven't found the things that would plant me to the ground and start "growing hedges around my lawn" rather than keeping everything "portable and open".

..... so far, in the 8 years of my career, i have moved around about 5 times. all of them just happened almost effortlessly, they weren't really my choices, they were just .... how should i say it....., the needs of the service. and when it happened, there were no reasons for me to object or deny them. so, i'm kinda "go with the flow" here. along the way, i met many kinds of people, had many kinds of moments - memorable and embarrassing ones, all included. i had my experiences and from that, i know that i don't want to be in some situations ever again, and some .... i wish i could relive it again and again, and every time i relive it,  i want to make it better.

but, what has passed would stay in the past. right now, i am reaching the second year of the latest 'move', and i am already feeling 'itchy' to leave. however, i have a feeling that i might have to stay here a bit longer than i expected. it's a darn large stone to step on. maybe my next move will be of my own choice and will be under my control. and someday i will find that fertile ground where i can grow my beautiful hedges.

Monsters University & Despicable Me 2

I'm an adult and I'm a fan of animation movie. Never mind that, coz there's a lot like me! Quite recently I watched Monsters University and Despicable Me 2. One is a prequel while the latter is a sequel. In 2001, we have enjoyed so much of the hilarious Sully and Mike and the over-the-top cuteness of Boo in Monster's Inc. Now I would never imagine that 12 years later the Disney/Pixar studio would make a prequel of it, hence the production Monsters University this year. And yeah...it's also great!

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 In Monster's Inc., we have established the relationship between James P. Sullivan and Mike Wazowski as best buddies personally and one of the top scare teams in Monster's Inc. And we also established the fact that both of this monsters have a mutual arch enemy, Randall, the scary and bitter monster with a chameleon-like ability. In the prequel, we would see how these three monsters started to know each other and what made them as they were in the first movie.

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In Despicable Me 2, the story picks up from where the first one left off in 2010; Gru is a now a willing and loving father of the 3 girls he adopted in the first movie and already retired from being 'the world's greatest villain'. But when the world is threatened by a formidable villain that 'came back from the dead', there's no one who can stop him other than Gru, the notorious thief who once had stolen a moon! Or at least that's what the Anti-Villain League (AVL) thought when they send an agent to recruit Gru for help. It's fun to watch the minions, they are adorable even when they become purple with evil. And Gru, while still having his villainy instincts intact when pursuing his mission, still has to dwell with his daughters teenage love and mother figure issues. (Agnes is sooo adorable!) And love is in the air for Gru as well.

 

Overall, both movies are entertaining and so fun to watch. I can't help but noticing how strong the message in Monsters University in teaching the audience, especially young people about how important it is to know who they are and be who they really are, and not be someone else that you are not just to be accepted by other people. Also, each person has their own unique strength and ability. And in Despicable Me 2, it's all about family.

 

Aaaah..I wish I have children of my own whom I can teach all this while watching such fun movies....haha!

 

 

the war inside

 

We are always in constant battle with our own self. We have a lot of inner demons to fight. There are some days that we won, but there's also some days that we lost. We have to check and re-check again our iman, our morals, our self-control in order to not lose so much, so frequent. Or we'll lost ourselves. What's important is self-realization. If we always keep in mind about how good or bad we are each day, we will always make an effort to improve. We are humans, so as long as we are still breathing, we are all exposed to the attractions of lust and excessive desire.

 

The key to do this successfully is to do it slowly, bit by bit, but continuously. We can't just do a little and stop, or we'll never get pass that transformation gauge level. Try to leave the source of our lust and desires bit by bit, and exchange it with positive materials. Don't ever let your mind be idle, fill the void with the positive things. And the most important thing is never let our prayer down. Always keeping it up, and hot, and continuous. Keep our relationship with Allah swt warm, if we never forget Him, He will never forget us.

 

An insight to ponder on, if we are a good person, we will always feel bad and guilty if we realize that we have made a mistake. So, if we are still able to feel that guilt, we still have our iman close to our heart but it really need to be revved up. The problem is when we don't feel any guilt or worry or something amiss when we leave our responsibility as a Muslim. Then we won't realize our mistakes.

 

Every day is a battle day. And this piece of writing is an effort of self-motivation to remind ourself to keep fighting, for whatever wins or losses that we get each day, we will bring them all with us, after we stop breathing, that's when it all stop.

 



it's epic!

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Today I watched a very fun and entertaining new animation film, epic, which was directed by the same man who directed the hilarious Ice Age. It's a fantasy film with comedy and drama elements in the package, adapted from William Joyce's children novel entitled The Leaf Men and The Brave Good Bugs (1996).

The teenager Mary Katherine aka MK went deep into the forest where his estranged and eccentric scientist father lives to stay with him after her mother passed away. Apparently MK's parents divorced many years ago because her mother couldn't stand her father's tenacious-to-the-point-of-madness study about a world of tiny people living in the forest. After giving up on discussing with her father about stopping to pursue his study, MK decided to leave the house when his father's dog, Ozzy, suddenly ran out of the house into the woods. MK then also ran into the woods to find Ozzy.

Meanwhile, deep in the forest, in the Moonhaven kingdom, there exists a group of little soldiers called the Leafmen, who are the only creature in human form that function as the protectors of the Queen, and that also means, the forest. The Leafmen is led by Ronin, their leader. Nod, is Ronin's dead friend's son whom he tried to mold into becoming one of the Leafmen soldiers but Nod just not interested and insists to live independently. Queen Tara, is the queen of the forest and the main power who controls and protects the various life and creatures living in the forest. On the other side is the Boggans, the hideous creatures led by Mandrake who oppose the kind of balance the Queen is protecting and do nothing but rot and kill the forest.

So all these characters will soon have their paths cross one another when it's summer solstice and the time comes for the Queen to choose the new heir for the forest. The first part of the ceremony is for the Queen to choose a suitable leaf pod from a lake. These pods are nursed and guarded by a pair of slug and snail, Mud and Grub. When the Queen finally made her selection, the Boggans ambushed the ceremony, intending to kill the Queen and the pod. In the process, Mandrake's son was killed and the Queen was fatally wounded. On her last moment, she fell near MK who's looking for Ozzie and managed to transfer her powers to the pod and gave it to MK, at the same time shrinking her into tiny size and told her to take the pod to Nim Galuu.

From this part onward, it's a spectacular journey for MK to get the pod to Nim Galuu, assisted by Ronin, Nod, Mud and Grub while she tries to come into terms of being tiny and then surprisingly thrusted into the world that she didn't believe before and that her father has been searching for so long. The group has to dodge and secure the pod and themselves from the relentless attacks by Mandrake and his Boggans who after the death of his son, now wants to steal the pod for himself to create his own Dark Prince.

This is a very fun and entertaining story and you couldn't help but laughing at Mud and Grub with their funny dialogues. And watching this movie in 3D is really awesome. This film encompasses some good morals to discuss with your children. The first being the relationship between family members as shown in MK and her father's relationship. The second being the importance of protecting the environment and maintaining the balance in the nature's cycle of life (at one part Mandrake told his son that the forest is not built in one day, and his son replied that they can destroy it in a day...which is so true..). The third is about teamwork and even though everybody lives as individuals, no one should be alone. There's quite a lot of wisdom quotes in this movie. You can never go wrong with this type of movie, although this one is not the rolling-on-the-floor kind of funny but it has a nice amount of humour in it and the story is good, sensible and entertaining. The animation is also so beautiful. Recommended.

 

UTube : Inspector Mislan & the UTube Serial Rapes

Title : UTube : Inspector Mislan & the UTube Serial Rapes

Author : Rozlan Mohd Noor

Publisher : Silverfish Books, 2012, 298pgs

ISBN : 978-983-3221-41-7

Genre : Crime-thriller, fiction

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As I was browsing the English fiction shelves in a bookstore, among the loads of James Patterson, Jeffrey Archer, Dan Browns et cetera, my eyes caught one local name, Rozlan Mohd Noor (funny that I caught the smaller fonts of the author's name first before I saw the book title's bigger fonts...), and I was thinking...an English fiction book from a local author? That's nice! Picked it up and I remember being so much more intrigued when I found out that it's a crime-thriller, detective story-like...just my thing! Of course, I would give it a try.

The author - Rozlan Mohd Noor was a police officer with the Royal Malaysian Police for 11 years as an Investigating Officer and a Magistrate Court Prosecuting Officer in Selangor and Wilayah Persekutuan. This info is available on the book cover. Being fascinated with the evolution of crime solving technology, he became passionate in writing crime stories, hence the production of some crime novels under the character 'Inspector Mislan' series. After leaving the force, he worked at several major corporations and multinational companies, before starting his own human resources and security consultancy business.

The story - The story started with a rape case of a woman at her own home whereby the rapist videoed the rape act and later uploaded the video in 'UTube'. The case is thus put under investigation of the D11 (Sexual & Child Abuse Investigation Division) where Insp. Sherry is the lead investigator. When another woman was raped with the same MO and her housemate was murdered at the same time, Insp. Sherry has to put up with the challenges of working with the tenacious Insp. Mislan under the D9 (Special Investigations) division. Along the way, 2 more rape videos went viral in UTube and the teams are hellbent on solving the crime although receiving a lot of heat from many aspects; bureaucracy, politics and smart-ass hard-to-get criminals.

Apparently, they discovered that the crime wasn't just a simple rape case but involving a more serious issue of hate crimes regarding the gays and lesbians. The author is tackling a what was once (and maybe still) a real-life issue of the nation in this book in such a way that I think he is maybe fictionalizing a non-fiction or maybe parts of the story was very similar to what really happened in real-life investigations.

The review - It's a good crime story, especially if you are a fan of such genre. The book is written in English but there's also a glossary of the local language and speech expressions at the back of the book to help non-Malaysian readers to understand certain terms that are used. The ending, however, is quite subtle. It left me with the impression of 'so is he the real culprit or not?'. A little annoying I suppose, in leaving suspense on the reader's mind at the finale. I tend to think that Insp. Mislan really nab the culprit but what's left hanging is the actual nabbing act and the question of 'will the criminal be prosecuted'?

As much as I admire this book for being one of the non-mainstream genre of novels written by a local author, I couldn't help but questioning the author a little bit about this; why should he needlessly portray local  'hero' characters as persons who embrace 'faithless' lifestyle as if all personnel in the crime solving department are like that? (I don't know if you readers can understand what I mean, 'coz it's difficult to try to explain a certain thing without being specific.) Maybe because I had hoped a local author could do the nation prouder by writing good stuff without the influence of a culture that does not come from this region. Anyway, this book is still a good read and entertaining.

The Great Gatsby

Gatsby. Who or what is Gatsby? To me, the name is quite familiar when I first heard of it. The first thought I had was the famous hair gel brand ... and also, Takuya Kimura (remember the interesting commercials he did for the brand?).

So, this Gatsby I'm talking about is not about the hair gel. It is actually a film currently showing in local cinemas near you. The film is basically adapted from a novel of the same name, authored by F. Scott Fitzgerald that was published in 1925. What a long, long time ago. Anyway, I haven't read the novel before but since this is an adaptation from a popular book, I won't write a lot about the story. Just a simple 'googling' and you can read the whole story in a jiffy.

Firstly first, I didn't know that this movie is from a book. So, I just watched this with zero anticipation and expectation except hoping that it would be a good movie. In a nutshell, I can simply say that this story is about hope, specifically, the hope of a man to rekindle his long lost but not forgotten love towards the girl of his dream. That man is Jay Gatsby, a mysterious young millionaire who owns a great mansion by the lake in the West Egg. He became friends with Nick Carraway, a young Wall Street hopeful, who rented a small cabin just beside his mansion. Across the lake, in the East Egg section, is the mansion of Tom and Daisy Buchanan, and Daisy is the 'second cousin once removed' of Nick (can someone tell me what's that supposed to mean?).

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The love story brewed since 5 years back between Jay and Daisy. Difficult situations ensued and drifted them apart. Since that, Daisy married Tom and Jay ... is mysteriously hiding in his many tales, but when Nick knew him, he is already a big millionaire who throws extravagant parties every weekend. How he came to possess that many fortune, no one really knows but it is demystified as the story unfolds. Everything in the story is about Jay. Who is he? What does he do? What is his motivation behind all the fame and fortune? This story is about a man so driven to re-possess the love he once had but had to let go because of some difficulties and hopes that he can return the time (and everything else) back to how it was before. In the end of the tragic finale, we can perhaps sympathize with Jay, or perhaps Daisy ... We might feel sorry for Daisy, who finds herself torn between an old flame or an infidel husband, or maybe we feel even sorrier for Jay, as he sacrificed everything to the one love he has but it led him to his doom. Sad love story, isn't it?

Anyway, the movie is also available in 3D. With all the extravagant colours of the festivities portrayed in this movie, it might be exciting to watch it in 3D (I didn't, just sticking to 2D). One last comment before ending this piece...why on earth Amitabh Bachchan was cast to play a Jewish character? I am so not getting it...Anyway, overall ... I am just liking the story, though it's sad, and it was enjoyable to see the acting ... but, I think some parts are just way too dramatic and maybe too weird. It's like a musical but not a musical. Modern era songs in a 1920s era movie, I don't know..maybe it's the director's style. Anyway, still...an entertaining film.

alone

alone in my room, feeling uninspired,
time is in my hands, but my mind is tired,
listening to Bruno Mars, It Will Rain to be exact,
made me think of you, and know that it is a fact
that I might be wishing for the stars and the sky,
but if i dare not make that jump so high,
i might never call you as my own,
and my heart will always be alone ...


The dreamer©2013
~ htd, kk 2034hrs