faraway love

sometimes I find myself gasping for air
and choking on words to say to you
time is running out
will I ever spend it with you

when I look into your eyes
I feel your love reverberating through my veins
warming my heart
with love, kindness and tenderness

everything happens for a reason
yet this has not stopped the pain
of having to be away
and left to face the world alone

all this time I have been strong
and I have been true
and now, I feel .... can I still continue
and wait for you?


~BSI, 221014 2337

2014

2014 is quite a different year than all the years I have lived, thank you Allah swt for still allowing me to breath and live until today. And yes, it's October, still a couple more months to go through this year, in shaa Allah ...

So, what happened in 2014?

a. It's no brainer, I got older. And I started to feel old .... but not old as makcik-makcik lah!

b. I started to feel busy with work. This is a continuation from the end of last year, where I started to have lots of outstation trips.

c. My second brother passed away in February. Al-Fatihah.

d. My first brother finally got married. Yes, there's a reason on the emphasis of the word 'finally'.

e. I got reunited with some primary school friends, after more than 2 decades of not in contact.

f. I got fatter than last year. Bummer!

g. I have lived in Sabah for almost 3 years 'only' and getting myself transferred back to the peninsula soon.

h. I have been in this long-distance-relationship for almost 6 years now, and .... still going on ... huu ...

Honestly, I haven't achieved all that I wanted to achieve by the age of 30. And I haven't been the person I would like to be, the better version of me. It's still a long way to go. Sometimes I feel clueless. But I feel braver and more positive now than before, I guess that's what aging do to my mind. I am strong. I will not break down. Allah will always be with me.

comeback

Perkara paling biasa orang buat bila dia dah lama tak menulis dalam blog dia pastu tiba-tiba mula nak tulis balik adalah .... menulis bahawa betapa lama dia tak menulis dalam blog dia dan sekarang dia nak mula balik, hahaha!

Dan, worst case scenario adalah lepas tulis macam tu, blog dia terabai lagi buat beberapa zaman pastu bila dia rasa nak menulis balik, sekali lagi dia tulis benda yang sama ... haha ...

Well, motif aku memang itulah ... nak cakap yang aktiviti menulis aku sekarang ni dah semakin berkurangan. Bila aku fikirkan balik apa sebab dia, sibukkah aku? Tak jugak, walaupun begitu memang ada masa-masanya memang aku sibuk, tapi bukannya aku tak ada masa free langsung. Dah tak berminatkah aku? Tak jugak, walaupun aku selalu je 'bermimpi' nak menulis tapi tak tulis-tulis jugak. Bukannya aku tak menjenguk blog aku langsung, adaaa .... tapi ada la beberapa kes, sudah aku tulis beberapa ayat tetapi akhirnya delete balik sebab rasa tak kena, tak jujur dan tak terfikir apa-apa ... writer's block la lebih kurang. Tapi yang nyatanya, aku tak ada INSPIRASI.

Hidup ini dah seakan menjadi satu garisan monotone yang membosankan. 

Apapun, ini tidak boleh dibiarkan. Jangan biarkan kebosanan meracuni cara kita menjalani kehidupan kita. Inspirasi harus dicari. Ia nadi hidup, ia membuatkan jantung kita berdegup untuk sesuatu makna. Apakah aku akan konsisten menulis selepas ini? Aku tidak tahu. Tapi yang pasti, aku harus sentiasa cuba mengasah minda ku yang terasa sejak akhir-akhirnya semakin kelu dan tumpul.

So, yes ... congratulations to myself for able to post this one up! Sebelum itu, aku dah tukar URL blog ni daripada 2010rantings.blogspot.com kepada dreamermuse.blogspot.com. Namun lepas menggodek-godek setting, aku dapati aku dah hilang senarai blog-blog kawan-kawan yang aku ikuti sebelum ini. Dah satu kerja nak cari balik dan list balik. Ok, takpelah ... pelan-pelan mula balik.

So again, .... congratulations to myself!