In two weeks time, it will be 3 months since the passing away of my second brother. It occurred to me today that I have not really analysed my feelings about it. I mean, about his demise, about him being no longer in this world. I do not know how deep it has affected my other family members. We were saddened by it, of course, but I couldn't fathom what's going on in the minds of my parents, my siblings and my nephews. I thought, I would be fine and I would get over it easily. We weren't so close as anybody would think siblings should be. So many things had happened in his life that made it difficult sometimes to be close. But the fact that there's the feeling of sadness and tears brimming in my eyes every time I think of him shows that this brother-sister emotional connection would always be in here, in my heart. No matter how distant we were before.
The sadness I have for his death is as deep as the sadness I have for his life. Thinking about him now, there's always reflections of his life and I really wished that it was a happier one. He's gone before he could see his kids being successful in life. He's gone before he could get a strong foothold in life. He didn't leave much material things, but what he did leave are the lessons in life.
I don't have a lot of memories with him but very few ones from my childhood. With the age difference of 14 years, we were pretty much in different leagues. When I was still a little girl dwelling with schools and homeworks, he was already married and raising children (he got married young). I was such a cry baby. I remembered one day I was crying alone in my room for reasons that I don't remember any more (but I'm sure it was just a petty thing) and he had comforted me. Other than that there's nothing else and what's left are the old photographs that recorded the happy moments that I could no longer remember.
He was a kind and gentle person. But bad things could happen to a person indiscriminately. Those are all in the will of Allah swt for all the right reasons and for us to ponder. How we choose to live also affects the lives of the others around us. I know that my mother knows a lot more. Because he was her son and a mom could never stop caring for her children no matter how they were. Mom was his confidante. And mom had cared for him since the day he fell ill and bedridden until the last of his breath. And even now, mom still talks about him, about his favourite drinks, about his caring nature for cats, about this and about that .... I understand it. It's not that she can't accept the fact, but because a mother can never forget her son, and that she would always want to keep the fond memories of her son.
Maybe I am still grieving inside, but no one can see. My brother's business with this world has ended, and it chills my bones to think of what will happen afterwards, for we do not know whether we will be ready when it is our time to go....
Angah, I wish your sons could learn the lessons you left with your life ...
AlFatihah
The sadness I have for his death is as deep as the sadness I have for his life. Thinking about him now, there's always reflections of his life and I really wished that it was a happier one. He's gone before he could see his kids being successful in life. He's gone before he could get a strong foothold in life. He didn't leave much material things, but what he did leave are the lessons in life.
I don't have a lot of memories with him but very few ones from my childhood. With the age difference of 14 years, we were pretty much in different leagues. When I was still a little girl dwelling with schools and homeworks, he was already married and raising children (he got married young). I was such a cry baby. I remembered one day I was crying alone in my room for reasons that I don't remember any more (but I'm sure it was just a petty thing) and he had comforted me. Other than that there's nothing else and what's left are the old photographs that recorded the happy moments that I could no longer remember.
He was a kind and gentle person. But bad things could happen to a person indiscriminately. Those are all in the will of Allah swt for all the right reasons and for us to ponder. How we choose to live also affects the lives of the others around us. I know that my mother knows a lot more. Because he was her son and a mom could never stop caring for her children no matter how they were. Mom was his confidante. And mom had cared for him since the day he fell ill and bedridden until the last of his breath. And even now, mom still talks about him, about his favourite drinks, about his caring nature for cats, about this and about that .... I understand it. It's not that she can't accept the fact, but because a mother can never forget her son, and that she would always want to keep the fond memories of her son.
Maybe I am still grieving inside, but no one can see. My brother's business with this world has ended, and it chills my bones to think of what will happen afterwards, for we do not know whether we will be ready when it is our time to go....
Angah, I wish your sons could learn the lessons you left with your life ...
AlFatihah
