day 104

I am like a broken typewriter. Or like a wizard who is losing his magical touch. I wrote and wrote but nothing came through. Nothing is finished, nothing is realized.

I haven't completed a single article or journal since the last one since a few months ago. Since then, a lot of things happened. Sad and happy things. Well, mostly sad things.

During those events, I revisited my memories and innermost feelings. It's like opening up a 'hurt locker'. God knows whatever that has been stored there all these years.

I wonder if there is a difference between a fighter and a survivor.... Sometimes I think a fighter IS a survivor, but a survivor does not necessarily means he's a fighter.

When things go south, and somehow .... many things go south these days, I always broke down and cried. But afterwards I would stand up again, but without a smile. It's like adding one layer of bubble wrappers after another around a fragile package, that keeps bursting and popping when pressured.

Finding the answers, and keeping the faith intact is a lifelong quest. And so it is with fighting demons inside the soul.

And where have I gone so far?